That is Awkward

HELLOOOO MIND READERS!! Good to see you again.

My life can be best described as a series of awkward moments with random events in the middle. Awkwardness is a state of mind. Once you believe that something is awkward it instantly evolves into a uncomfortable situation. Other people can make you feel awkward even if they don't realize it (like when an old lady farts next to you in the grocery store.) Yet some people just don't get embarrassed and that embarrasses me. For example the entire cast of the Jersey Shore. (That is officially the last time it is okay to use the Jersey Shore as an example. We get it they are ra-tards.) I get embarrassed easily. I think I am awkward therefore I am.

Today (two weeks ago when I started writing this) I had quite an awkward moment. I was driving down a busy road around lunchtime, and there was a shaker dancing on the corner. A "Shaker" is one of those guys who dresses up in a costume and holds a sign that says things like, "Mattress Muuunday Sale!!"or "Professional Bull Riding, This Saturday, Get Some. Don't be a Steer." (I have been on the Job boards lately, I applied to wear the Red Robin suit to promote their lunch specials. At tryouts I found that I am extremely claustrophobic.) Anyhow, I was passing by a tax preparation place and there was a "guy" dressed as the statue of liberty. I felt bad for the guy... for one second. But the guy started doing a little dance in my direction, and at the end he did a spin and gave me the suck-it motion. I knew he did it on purpose because he was looking deeply into my eyes as he hit either side of his crotchal region.

I couldn't believe my eyes, yet I knew that these transactions could not go unpunished. So I did what any other warm blooded American would have done. I gave him an emphatic middle finger. I instantly regretted this decision because as I gave him the bird the light changed to red. AWKWARD! I had to spend the next minute pretending like I had merely raised my finger to sooth a really bad knuckle itch. As his furious glare that was compounded by the frustration of minimum wage bore into the side of my head, I nervously sing-along to "Party in the USA." Luckily in that moment Miley Cirus's lyrics comforted me as I nodded my head like "Yeah." I knew one day I would look back at this moment and laugh. It would be just another awkward memory like the time I farted in an elevator and the smell made me puke. (Did that really happen?)

Thanks for reading my blog even after that crazy hiatus. Come back soon because I have a lot of new material from my road-trip to California. Thanks again for reading, and remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.

JHarp