Don't Ignore Me

Hello Mind Readers,

I have a beef with Facebook. Yeah I'm looking at you Zuckerberg you little punk. I am extremely annoyed that there is no unfriend request button. I really hate being rejected, but I hate being ignored even more. I feel the biggest internet diss of our time is requesting someones Facebook friendship only to be snubbed for five days. Lets be honest you saw my friend request. You have answered the question "What's on your mind?" 32 times. Its not even lunch. Not to mention, the whole Facebook universe knows that you had three bm's today. Now you are thinking about chili for dinner (Bad choice by the way.) You don't have to make me look like a donkey and leave me in digital limbo. This is why I have unfriend requested you, and yes I will leave you a message. " I am sending you this unfriend request because I know you are ignoring. I read your update about "having so much free time today." You are extremely rude, and I do not like it one bit. P.S. Congratulations on your new relationship with Phillipe."

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. All of these are examples of acceptable situations to ignore a friend requests: if it is a Myspace friend requests post 2005; if Larry King is trying to befriend you at any point; if your mom requests your friendship (at least for a few days until you set up your page to be mom friendly or hack her account and change her Facebook password); or if the guy who cut you in the lunch line on September 9th in third grade sends you a request with a message that says, "Whats up bro?" (Whats up now Timmy? No one makes me cry before lunch on Turkey Gravy day.) Other then that it is totally uncalled for because a digital representation of ones self has feelings too.

While I am on the subject of being ignored via technology, let me tell you about something else that really gets my goat. (What does that even mean? I don't even have a goat.) I hate when people do not respond to my texts in a timely manner. For example... August 15th 5:00 pm. Me: "Hey bro can I get a ride to the hospital? I just cut my had. I can see my bone. It is pretty bad. I think I might bleed out if I don't get help soon." August 15th 11:00 pm Bro: "Yeah Bro, be right there:)" or July 12th 8:00 am Me: "Hey buddy! My car just broke down I have an interview in an hour. Can you give me a ride?" July 15th 4:00 pm Buddy: "Sorry, man I'm busy." Ok maybe that was a little extreme. Actual situation, June 5th 1:00 am Me: " Bro!!! Chocolate or Vanilla?" June 5th 1:01 am Me: "????" June 5th 1:11 am Bro: " Chocolate I guess. I have to work at 7:00 am." June 5th 1:12 am Me: "Never mind they had swirl." Still, think about next time you don't text me back. That really hurts. If I don't text you though, I probably have a really good excuse so don't worry. It's not my fault you can't text and play Angry Birds at the same time.

Thank you MindReaders. Until next time...

JHarp

Superheros

Mind Readers...

In a world without Justice only one man can be bring Justice, JustinCe.

I have really been geeking out lately. I have been mildly obsessed with everything superhero (Don't judge me. I missed the part of my childhood where I liked awesome superheros; instead I was doing stuff like math and reading books. Lame.) Then "The Green Hornet" came out staring Seth Rogen. Yeah, the guy from "Knocked Up" and "Pineapple Express" who looks more like a guy who reads comics. (The only thing he is saving is a half eaten McNugget from the garbage can.) That was the day I decided if Seth Rogen can be a superhero, then I can be one too.

Clearly JustinCe is a legendary name. I just haven't decided what my super powers would be. So I have compiled a short list of skills. Skills, I already possess that would likely be heightened by radioactive exposure. (The senses to identify who farted in elevators " My farty senses are tingling." The power quickly put things in reverse alphabetical order. "Wait, Normal Alphabetical-Order man... Xylophone before Wyoming." The ability to awkwardly get in and out of small talk with women. "So you are from Texas? That explains a lot. I heard everything is bigger there?") Powers, check. Costume? This one time I fought "the man" by streaking through my college campus in a pair of Transformers Underoos (I was also wearing a mullet wig to conceal my identity, no joke.) Just like superheros some people loved me others hated me (They were literally throwing eggs at me.) All the while, I was trying to battle the injustice of finals as campus security was in hot pursuit, trying to bring me down. So I will model my costume after this event. It will consist of Underoos, a target on my chest for my arch nemesis Egg Guy, and a mullet wig to conceal my identity. Who knows farty senses might come in handy against Egg Guy?

What would your super hero name be? Super powers? What should mine be?

Thanks for reading and remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.

Artist rendition of JustinCe:

JHarp

The "New" New Year's Resolution

3- 2 - 1 Happy New Year Mind Readers!

Wait, what, we are going into the third week of January. The plan was to get this one out to you sooner, but like many New Year's Resolutions it was broken before it started. Luckily this is the perfect set-up for the subject of my new post. Thank you laziness.

If I would have stuck to all my New Year's resolutions, at this point in my life I would be living in Switzerland and dating International Supermodel Heidi Klum. My best selling autobiography "Justin-In-Time: Tales from the World's Most Interesting Man" would be the Time's Bestseller; JHarp and the Truth's album "Pick Up Your Mind because it was just Blown" would be triple platinum; and my invention the "Backwards Snuggie" aka "the robe" would be dominating infomercials. My other notable achievements would have included: Cover of Men's Health, GQ's Man of the Year, Designated Hitter for the Yankee's, and the guy who saved a baby monkey from a shark tank. Although theses dreams have not yet come true, I will still strenuously strive towards these goals. But, I will probably start on it tomorrow because I have like four seasons of "Dexter" to catch up on.

After many failed resolutions, I decided to shoot for the clouds this year and lower my standards of success. These are some sure-fire ways to achieve goals, and I encourage you to set new resolutions as well. For example, instead of getting a six-pack this year, I am going to try to eat less than a whole pizza on a Tuesdays. Instead of becoming an intellectual by reading all the classics, I will read an entire chapter book, this year (That doesn't feature the Berenstain Bears.) Instead of dating a super hot girlfriend, I might login to Match.com. Those are just a few great examples of goals I really think I can achieve. Lets be realistic I'm not going to become a Abercrombie model, but if I eat enough McNuggets "Plus Size Male Modle" isn't out of the question. I guess what I am really trying to say is don't be afraid to dream.

Thank you Mind Readers. It feels so good to be back. Let me know how your new resolutions go. One of my friends has already taken the lead. His goal is to move from the drive-through to the cash register. Thanks for reading and remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.

JHarp