Don't Ignore Me

Hello Mind Readers,

I have a beef with Facebook. Yeah I'm looking at you Zuckerberg you little punk. I am extremely annoyed that there is no unfriend request button. I really hate being rejected, but I hate being ignored even more. I feel the biggest internet diss of our time is requesting someones Facebook friendship only to be snubbed for five days. Lets be honest you saw my friend request. You have answered the question "What's on your mind?" 32 times. Its not even lunch. Not to mention, the whole Facebook universe knows that you had three bm's today. Now you are thinking about chili for dinner (Bad choice by the way.) You don't have to make me look like a donkey and leave me in digital limbo. This is why I have unfriend requested you, and yes I will leave you a message. " I am sending you this unfriend request because I know you are ignoring. I read your update about "having so much free time today." You are extremely rude, and I do not like it one bit. P.S. Congratulations on your new relationship with Phillipe."

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. All of these are examples of acceptable situations to ignore a friend requests: if it is a Myspace friend requests post 2005; if Larry King is trying to befriend you at any point; if your mom requests your friendship (at least for a few days until you set up your page to be mom friendly or hack her account and change her Facebook password); or if the guy who cut you in the lunch line on September 9th in third grade sends you a request with a message that says, "Whats up bro?" (Whats up now Timmy? No one makes me cry before lunch on Turkey Gravy day.) Other then that it is totally uncalled for because a digital representation of ones self has feelings too.

While I am on the subject of being ignored via technology, let me tell you about something else that really gets my goat. (What does that even mean? I don't even have a goat.) I hate when people do not respond to my texts in a timely manner. For example... August 15th 5:00 pm. Me: "Hey bro can I get a ride to the hospital? I just cut my had. I can see my bone. It is pretty bad. I think I might bleed out if I don't get help soon." August 15th 11:00 pm Bro: "Yeah Bro, be right there:)" or July 12th 8:00 am Me: "Hey buddy! My car just broke down I have an interview in an hour. Can you give me a ride?" July 15th 4:00 pm Buddy: "Sorry, man I'm busy." Ok maybe that was a little extreme. Actual situation, June 5th 1:00 am Me: " Bro!!! Chocolate or Vanilla?" June 5th 1:01 am Me: "????" June 5th 1:11 am Bro: " Chocolate I guess. I have to work at 7:00 am." June 5th 1:12 am Me: "Never mind they had swirl." Still, think about next time you don't text me back. That really hurts. If I don't text you though, I probably have a really good excuse so don't worry. It's not my fault you can't text and play Angry Birds at the same time.

Thank you MindReaders. Until next time...

JHarp

Whats Your Addiction?

Hello "Mind Readers," Wow, I am so excited about speaking my mind to you all once again. Lately I have been bound by the addicting chains of the show "Intervention." It's that show on A&E where families impose interventions upon other family members, to help them overcome addictions. My mom was watching a marathon of this show, when I started getting super hungry. I was like, "Mom I need to have an intervention with you about watching this show", but I didn't say any of that. I just remember sitting down in front of the TV and blacking-out. I came to several days later in a rehab center. I just got home, and I can't stop checking A&E to see if Intervention is on. Intervention addiction is a real problem if you wet your pants on the couch, start eating Doritos, or start talking to your TV .....you too may be addicted to Intervention. The above may be signs of a serious problem, and you should kick yourself in the face immediately.

Whats your addiction? I would probably say that my addiction right now has got to be the Internet. I spend most of my day online looking for work, blogging, surfing the net, watching videos, updating my YouTube page, etc. I feel like one of those fat people from the movie "Wally" who just sit in front of the computer screen and roll around in their motorized chairs. If I had a compartment for Ramen and a bedpan, I would be fine with never leaving my desk. I'm not the only one who is addicted to the computer though. We all know people who are addicted to updating their status on facebook. Jimmy just woke up. Jimmy is eating soup. Jimmy really needs to pee. What is your problem? Update, Justin wishes the poke button would turn into the choke button. Honestly, facebook status is there so you can share things that people might find interesting, care about, or might make them laugh. Sorry Jimmy, but no one cares about your bowel movements.

Another group of people that suck is people who are addicted to posting negative comments on other people's YouTube videos. For example there could be a video of a toddler dancing. I could watch all two minutes and 35 seconds of the video and find that there is a little more joy in my life. Until, I scroll down to the comments section and JimmyHead69 say: "You are the gayest baby ever." The jerk always has the most ignorant name too, like SemoreBoobs14 or EricBallPuncher33. Why are you so insistent on being cynical and tearing others down Semore? I could make a video of myself doing a triple backflip off the Empire State Building. After landing I could save a baby from drowning in a shark tank. Then to top it all off, I could spit out the greatest pickup line in History to Megan Fox, and start making out with her. JimmyHead69 would still say: "You is a HoMO!@*!" What a Hater your misuse of grammar and punctuations is extremely offensive. Why can't you haters be addicted to something cool like finding "The Lost City of Gold," or making the worlds largest crepe. I got a joke for you haters. What has no friends? Any person who's YouTube name combines a first name, a body part, and a random number. Yeah that's you ImaAss167, Heyooooooooo!

Thanks for reading. To entertain yourself until my next post, do yourself a favor and make an "Ace of Base playlist" on YouTube. You won't regret it, and remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.

JHarp