Do you ever just feel anxious and you're not sure why? I'm sure it is just because I am the verge of some sort of greatness. On the other hand I can't help to think that it is because of the impending apocalypse. In reality, I take 2012 less seriously than the guy who was bumping NWA (Gangsta Rap for the gringos) in his car right before renting Puss n' Boots from the RedBox. Regardless of when the end of the world will be, it is still interesting to ponder.
Zombies apocalypse is at the top for ways I wish the world would/would't end. I had really vivid and horrifying dreams last night. Probably because I ate Flamin' Hot Cheetos and read Graphic Zombie Novels right before bed. (Don't get me started on the night I ate a ghost pepper and watched a documentary on the Wizard of Oz's Lollypop Guild. Lollypop Guild Video.) I like to think that if I was in a Zombie apocalypse situation, I would be the strong composed leader. Then I remembered I can't even walk up a dark staircase without thinking I'm about to get murdered by baby demons. I'm just not the cool composed type. Once I was snorkeling alone. All of a sudden, I saw this huge white creature following me closer then Justin Bieber groupie. After several minutes of panicked swimming and a snorkel full of water, I realized that the creature had been my knee. Yes, my knee. Please keep that between us. Along those same lines, I'm not really a fighter. In seventh grade I told a kid, "I have a match, my rear-end and your face!" He promptly punched me directly in the mouth. I instantly apologized: Hoping that would be the one and only time that I experienced fist to cranium contact. I have always been more of a smooth talker: A lover not a fighter. Unfortunately, zombies can not be intimidated or reasoned with. "Look bro you just don't want to do this. Don't come at me like that. My dad is a well know lawyer. Biting me repeatedly in the neck is the last thing you want to do." This type Daun Juan tomfoolery just does not work with Zombies.
From my last post you can see my hobbies will lead me to a life of solitude. I would loath being the last person on earth though. (Unless I was the last male on earth. All right, high fiving time.) It reminds me of the Twilight Zone story where the man is the last living soul. He has a plan to read peacefully for the rest of his existence. Unfortunately for him, like most losers who enjoy reading, he wears glasses. On like the first freaking day the dummy drops his glasses and they break. Lol (Thats why I thought myself to read braille.) He kind of deserved it though because he was way too excited to be the last person on earth. If I was the last person on earth, I would definitely pick a really cool hobby to impress the biddies. Oh wait... well at least I would pick something less lame then reading for eternity. A few things that come to mind include; crocheting teddy bear tea party scenes, becoming the ring master of a flea circus, or putting together a one-man reenactments of the musical Cats. (What, Meow?) It would also be kind of be cool to be the best in the world at everything. You could just grab a copy of Guinness Book of Word Records and cross every name out and replace it with your own. I've always wanted to be the Sexiest Man Alive, Ladies. Regardless, you would definitely have to do things you love to keep from going crazy. Screw it though, it would probably be more fun to be absolutely nuts. At least you would have some sort of Gollum vs Smeagol dynamic.
I sure don't hope or think that the world will end this year. It's not looking good though, Gigli 2, staring Snooki, has just started pre-production. Calm down, I am just kidding, can you imagine. What would you do if you were the last person on earth? Thanks for reading my Mind.