Gentlemen and Ladies... I am a Blog Virgin

Who am I?... PETEY PAB MOTHA... Wait, wrong guy, but I always wanted to say that ("Raise Up" Petey Pablo circa 2001.) Sorry if you didn't understand that refrence. Actually my name is Justin, and I graduated from a fairly prestigious university in Southern California. After spending well over ten times my lifesavings in tuition, I became the butt of a pitiless economic joke. I can't find a job because of my lack of experience, and I can't get experience because my lack of a job. The world can be quite the female dog at times. Which brings me to my point, the world plays cruel and unusual jokes on us everyday, and I'm not gonna to take it anymore. I will not stand up for myself; instead, I will sit down and "maturely" poke fun at the world that makes fun of me.

This is how the world is seen through JHarp's Mind:

I will never play the clarinet or eat a banana in public because it is impossible to do either while maintaining my masculinity (pause for visualization.) Yet you may be asking JHarp, " What if I'm starving to death, and a banana is my only option?" Well in case of a banana emergency there is a protocol that allows you to save face. Step 1: Clarify to anyone in the general vicinity that you are not "eating" this plantain you are "devouring it." Step 2: Scream savagely directly at the peel. Step 3: Without peeling, bite through the fruity treat like a grizzly chomping through a raw salmon. A delicious alternative to this process is directly placing the banana into a crepe and consuming. Crisis diverted.

Don't judge a book by its cover, unless that book is wearing a trench coat and a baseball cap. By wearing this garb you are saying, " I'm crazy and smell like the back of a fat ladies knee in August." It is the mullet of the fashion world. Side note, Is it just me or are you super jumpy whenever someone in a trench coat makes a sudden movement. Now there are exceptions to every rule, if you are from the 40's, staring in "Dick Tracy," or dressing up as Neo for Halloween feel free to wear a trench coat. Yet the only reason a person qualifies for wearing a trench coat and a baseball cap, is if he/she pushes a shopping cart full of cats and talks to to his/her self as he/she walks.

Well, I will leave you with that for today. Thanks for reading "JHarp's Mind." As a teaser, possibilities for the next topics include: looking cool at funerals, why crack heads love tattoos, and exploring why fat people love The Biggest Loser.

Thanks again and remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.

J Harp