That is how I'm going to refer to the people who read my blog (get it because my blog is called JHarp's Mind.) Well... I thought it was clever.
Today I had the pleasure of playing 18 holes of golf. Actually, there was nothing pleasurable about the outing at all. Believe it or not some people consider golf to be a fun or relaxing sport. I hardly find comfort in attempting to precisely hit a tiny ball hundreds of feet through the air while the eyes of your peers critically judge your every move. Talk about a super relaxing no pressure situation.
If the objective of the game was to hit shrubbery, small woodland animals, sand traps, and man made bodies of water I would have gone pro years ago. Five hundred and seventy golf balls later, I have decided to leave the real game of golf to the pros. After all Tiger Woods seems to have no trouble finding the "hoe." HEYYOOOO! Golf another one of the worlds cruel tricks.
Once again here is the world in JHarp's Mind:
Have you ever been to a funeral and thought to yourself, "I wonder if I look cool." Generally the answer is no. Your eyes are probably puffy from crying, there is crusty snot in your nose, and you are wearing uncomfortable and outdated dress clothing. Looking cool is obviously the top priority at your time of morning. Luckily for you, through the great teachings of cinema I have found ultimate way to standout at your next memorial service.
Step 1: Dress in all Black (preferably leather, but avoid latex.) Step 2: Make sure that it is raining. If the local weather forecast does not call for precipitation contact your local"rain man" stat. He will more then likely trade his services for beads or fire. (Hail or Snow will do in a pinch.) Step 3: Ride a Harley with no muffler through the middle of the gathering. Make sure to rev your engine near the elderly. Step 4: Show up during the middle of the service. (Ride around the block a few times if you are arriving in a timely manner.) Step 5: Watch the proceedings from a distance with sunglasses on. Feel free to cry because the rain will cover your tears. Also, if you choose to speak stick to shouting basic ambiguous questions like: "WHY?"
Come back soon there is so many horrible things that happen to me everyday, and these misfortunes are halarious.
I love you all, and remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.
JHarp
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