You know what's NOT good? Watching people eat hot wings. Next time you go to a Chili's watch someone eat wings, and you will be disgusted. A little known fact, Hooters was invented for this very reason. The chain started out as Howters "A fine dinning wing establishment." They had high quality food and modestly clad servers. Everything seemed to be going well, yet the owners noticed people would arrive very hungry and order small portions. Patrons would lose their appetites after seeing others devouring wings. The owners realized that they needed to divert peoples attention away from the grotesque display of wing eating. A light bulb turned on, lets scantly clad our well endowed servers, and Hooters was born. Wing consumption increased by over 5o% despite the downgrade in meat quality. There is your history lesson for today, but more importantly here is what is on my mind...
I awoke from my dream last night in a cold sweat. I had been imagining that I was on the show "Yo Mamma." My opponent was professional scariest man alive Kimbo Slice. Now if you find yourself facing Kimbo in the showdown of "Yo Mamma" you are in a lose-lose situation with only two options. Option 1: Say something nice about Mrs. Slice and humiliate yourself on MTV in front of millions of mouth breathing teens. Option 2: Tell the best "yo mama" joke ever conceived, but recieve the worst beating since Nicole Richie fought American Gladiator Sharon VanderHorst. Of course, I choose to succeed comically and told the best yo mama joke EVER. "Your mama's so fat that when she cut her face shaving; instead of bleeding, Gravy came out." As Kimbo angrily charged, I woke up crying in the fetal position.
This near tragedy left me wondering, what would happen if I got in a real fight? Aside from a massive open fisted slap in 6th grade, I've never really been in a fight. Although, I never have taken part in fist-a-cuffs my life is like a constant training session. Any chance I get, I punch brick walls and metal polls in order to break my knuckles and make them larger and harder. Every other day I shadowbox for two hours to the song "Maniac" from the movie Flashdance. Finally, bi-weekly I eat healthy foods like fruits and vegetables. Even though my life is like warrior training, I still consider myself a lover not a fighter (That is just a special way to say I'm afraid to fight.) Since I hate fighting, I guess the best way to avoid a brawl is by appearing tough.
So What are some things I could do to look tougher? Everybody says people look "hard" with shaved heads. Unfortunately, because of my pail complextion I could easily be confused for a skinhead. This would be counter productive and cause me to get a check-up from the neck-up. Another option is getting a tattoo. The only problem is, I either want a picture of my goldfish "JarJar Binks" who recently passed away or a quote from vampire saga Twilight. Nope. Maybe I could come up with a tough guy walk, but last time I tried that people thought I was handicapped. I guess I'm not capable of looking tough. But honestly, unless you are a cast member of Jersey Shore, there is no reason for a twenty-two year old to get into a fight (over an Ed Hardy shirt.) I'll stick to blogging.
P.S. Dave from Famous Dave's looks like a Native American Al Roker. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLcL1CK4Hgc
Thank you. Don't forget to follow me here on my blog. Also, follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/JHarpsMind to see my mini mind posts, and to be the first to know when I post on JHarps Mind. Finally, remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.
JHarp
No comments:
Post a Comment