Today started out without incident.I have an interview tomorrow so I decided it was time to shave my Grizzly Adams beard into something more professional (A Fu Mancho.) Let me just start by saying I hate shaving. I can't figure out how to shave without looking like I went face first through a blackberry patch. I guess that is what I get for buying the cheapest brand "Face Peeler." The warning label says, "Unsafe for use on humans. Please consult a surgeon before handling. Regardless, my face was looking nice and feeling fresh this time until "The Nick."
It happened when I started to shave my sideburns, and my razor blade caught on my cheekbone. This wasn't your run of the mill shaving mishap. Oh no, I almost hit bone. I instantly started feeling lightheaded because of my extreme blood loss. I mean, I sat down and started writing my will because I was afraid that I could bleed-out any second. Ok, maybe that is a slight exaggeration, but I have an interview tomorrow. How am I supposed to look professional when I look like I just went six rounds with Ali? I knew it wasn't a good sign when I walked into a room, and my family asked, "What happened to you?" I can only guess what my the lady interviewing me will think of monstrous laceration on my face. She might think 1) I broke into a zoo and tried to steal the lions. 2) I attempted grand theft auto by breaking the window with my face. or 3) I was hitting on a UFC Fighter's girlfriend. No matter what, in her head I might as well have just pooped my pants mid-interview.
This is why my shaving catastrophe is a worst case scenario. As I mentioned, in a previous post, never trust a man in a trench coat. The same goes for a man with a large cut on his face. Unfortunately, there are so many other situations where having an ugly gash on your face would be awesome. For example you are running late for your girlfriends birthday. If you walk in with a huge gaping wound on your face nobody is going to question your tardiness. They will just be thinking, "Wow, what happened to him. I surprised he made it here at all. He must have been attacked by a wild puma or a mugger with a machete." Other times it would be awesome to have a massive wound on your face include: An audition for a 007 movie, a night in jail, and a very competitive game of chess. Years from now my friends will ask me if I remember "The Nick?" My response will be a sobbing, "Yes, The Nick is the reason I am still unemployed."
Hey thanks for reading again. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did check out my other posts. You can also follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/JHarpsMind Remember the world is laughing at you so you better laugh back.
JHarp
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